I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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