Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
