I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize