I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No subtext here. People are naked.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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