Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
