College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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