Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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