I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
