Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
