my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
