I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
