No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
