You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
