My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
