I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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