put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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