Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
