Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
is that a dick in a sweater?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
