so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
