i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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