Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
