It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
