I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
