best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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