Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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