So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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