I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
