check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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