How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nutella sex= disaster
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
