I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Life is so much better after having sex.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
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I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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