I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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