before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
