she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
