Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
