just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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