she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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