yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
