I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
