i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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