had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
