youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
