I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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