His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
