Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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