Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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