Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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