Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
