peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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