he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize