whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
