well I can't set my house on fire every night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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