Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
