Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
