chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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