Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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