I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize