me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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